Rough Day...

Hello,

So today wasn't my favorite. We had our first appointment with the radiation specialist (Dr. Hsu) at the Abbotsford Cancer Clinic today. Good news: parking is only $2 an hour, my first wig is free and the cafeteria food was tasty, the cancer clinic is nicely decorated and doesn't look old and beaten up, and last but not least Kookie works there and is the first smiley face I am fortunate to see! Bad news: I have stage 4 (of 4) Malignant Glioblastoma - the fastest growing and most aggressive brain tumor.

Am I scared? Yes. I'm not sure what I am scared of. Of Dying? Ya a little... not so much of dying but being gone for the good stuff; & of being in pain and fading away in a hospital bed. I try to stay positive and not think of these things but they come up and sit in the back of my head. Of course it is all very fresh too. I think after a little time it will sink in and I will be back to my happy, bubbly, optimistic self. Give me until next week lol! I think about what this information does to those around me; my boyfriend and family and friends. Helping or watching someone go through these things cannot be easy. I have had several good cries today especially when faced with the thought of possibly not having children. No I don't like that thought. Most of the bad thoughts are things I make up in my head. Those will subside and be replaced with either happy thoughts or a sense of humor within the next few weeks. Everything just feels very "serious" today.

So the plan is I will be starting Radiation as soon as the Cancer Clinic can get me in for a MRI (I have only had a CT post-op) so either next week or the week after. That will be out of Abbotsford and I will have to go everyday Mon-Fri for 6 weeks. ugh! I am still waiting to hear from the Oncologist who is out of Surrey regarding my Chemo treatment. Chemotherapy is in the form of a pill and is supposed to have only mild side effects. The radiation however will cause me to loose my hair and make me very very tired and nauseated also. Hmmmm... not looking forward to that. Also they make this mesh mask of my face and then it is put over my face during the treatment and literally bolted down to the bed I am lying on in order to ensure I don't move my head at all. I am not claustrophobic but I envision Hannibal Lecter! Creepy!!!

That's all for now. I am feeling tired as I write and am thinking I could go get horizontal right about now!!

Luvs
K